The Perfect Party (in the Sense of Both a Group of Friends and a Social Occasion)

Lieutenant Awkward Jeffries, hands clamped firmly over his eyes, backed out of the comdeck where his captain and her wife were engaging in the beautiful motions of physical love, and into Dr. Lee Chao, his best friend among his crewmates. Lee was a short person, and one of remarkable competence – as, indeed, all Red Raptor crewpersons were required to be, space not being an atmosphere congenial to minor accidents or mistakes such as spilling space-coffee over a holo-com-console and saying “Oops”.

“Oof,” Lee remarked as ze tumbled to the floor.

The much taller Awkward bent, with many fulsome apologies, and lifted hir to hir feet.

“Sorry!” he mourned. “Sorry, sorry! It seems all I am doing today is apologizing. Do you know, I accidentally overheard the captain and her wife arguing? And just now, I witnessed them doing it on the comdeck!”

“But they do that all the time,” Lee laughed. “Come, Awkward, you know there is no shame in the beautiful act of physical love! But, wait… you are from Earth, are you not? I understand that Earth-natives still cling to outdated notions of ‘privacy’ and ‘appropriate behaviour’ and ‘sexual harassment’.”

“They do remain part of our culture,” Awkward admitted with a breathy sigh. “Though ever since I began roving about the galaxy in my search for both adventure and a place to ply my highly specialized trade as a pet groomer, I have tried to rid myself of such wildly anachronistic ideas, I do find them creeping back into my mind at the most inopportune moments, like the Ghelkian snake-bear of Gref, renowned for creeping into the sleeping bags of lovers as they reach climax, although, in my case, the result is more blood in my cheeks, and less all over the camping ground. But no, I fear this is only a partial cause of my discomfort!”

“Well, say on,” encouraged Lee. “As you know, Awkward, I am a renowned space psychologist, and thus more than ready to assist you in recovering your emotional equilibrium.”

“Oh, Lee! What a helpful friend you are!”

Lee tactfully did not remark upon Awkward’s strange pronunciation, as hir aim was to reduce Awkward’s embarrassment, not provoke further cheek-reddening as a result of pointing out linguistic mishaps.

Awkward drifted towards a window and pointed out it, at the three moons gracing Riadorf’s sparkling night sky. “Look!” he cried. “It is the BiMoon Solstifest of Light And Love that so disturbs me. I am not Riadorfan myself, but I consider this a charming local custom! If only I had someone – or someones – whom I loved and could share this evening’s delights with? But alas, while I am comely and impressively-heighted – and, more importantly, compassionate, intelligent and possessed of a charming sense of humour – I have found no one to whom I can give my heart.”

“Ah!” Lee remarked, rubbing hir rounded chin. “If I may hazard a diagnosis, my vast experience in psychology suggests that you are suffering from… loneliness!”

Awkward’s nut-brown eyes opened in wonder. “Why, Lee! I believe you have hit the jiqer bolt with the space-laser! I am, indeed, lonely!”

“But my dear fellow, there is nothing easier to cure,” Lee guffawed, striking Awkward on the back in a familiar and friendly way. “The solution is obvious! We will hold a party!”

And so it was that Lieutenant Awkward Jeffries, official pet groomer on the starship Red Raptor, found himself hosting an unexpected party on the eve of the Riadorfan BiMoon Solstifest of Light and Love. This seemingly innocuous activity was not without its perils, in Awkward’s mind. Though his quarters were fairly spacious, he had almost no furniture, and his guests would perforce have to sit upon his bed, if not the floor. He hoped no one would be embarrassed at the implied intimacy, and was sure to put clean sheets of fine Xarbenian silk – the one little luxury that he allowed himself, saving most of his wage as a pet groomer towards putting his kid sister through schooling, perhaps at the Riadorf Royal Academy for Young Ladies of Quality and Distinction, which was very highly thought-of in the Dorgian Galaxy at large – on the bed, as well as tidying up his quarters in every other way that he could manage in the short hours between his conversation with Lee and the party’s starting time.

In addition to simple matters of good hostliness, Awkward was worried about his guests. Though he had been on the Red Raptor for some time, Lieutenant Jeffries did not make friends easily – “By name and by nature!” his aged grandmother had always chuckled, which never really made sense to young Awkward, but must mean something – and he was relying largely upon the congenial Dr. Lee Chao to invite hir friends along. But what if Lee’s friends didn’t like Awkward? What if he offended them somehow? Sweet Proet! What if he hadn’t prepared enough Fromjarian Cheez Dip?

A knock at the space-door interrupted these increasingly panicked thoughts, and Awkward hurried to answer, opening the portal wide to reveal his friend Lee and a pleasant-looking woman with four arms.

“Awkward!” Lee exclaimed jovially. “Happy Solstifest! This is Annaz, a friend of mine from the lab. Annaz, Awkward.”

The four-armed lady smiled winsomely and extended one of her hands to be kissed. “So nice to meet you,” she murmured. “O! Is that Fromjarian Cheez?”

Awkward grinned. He had chosen well in his menu of refreshments! “It is,” he confirmed. “May I serve you a bowl?”

As he was ladling out Cheez, Lee answered the door twice more, bringing the number of the party up to six: Awkward, Lee, Annaz, a pair of fair-haired twins from the twinning planet of Dos called John and Jon, and Zue, a raven-haired beauty with whom Awkward was slightly acquainted, since she worked as the Red Raptor‘s Chief Manicurist, and her workshop was located not far distant from his own.

Awkward was kept busy for a little while serving refreshments to his guests, and putting some appropriate music on his holo-stereo, but after a little while, when his own legs began to feel slightly fatigued, he could no longer avoid the problem of seating.

“I’m terribly sorry,” he said, blushing a little, “but I’m afraid that I have only the one chair behind my desk, there, and if you all wish to sit down there’s only my bed. I hope none of you will mind.”

Lee smiled, hir face as open and friendly as ever, but with a sort of playful mischief lurking around the eyes. “O, Awkward! I assure you, it won’t be a problem. At all.”

And with that, ze reached forward and gently removed Awkward’s bowl of Cheez from his hands, placing it tidily upon the desk before leaning towards hir taller crewmate and pressing hir mouth to his in an unexpected but by no means unwelcome kiss!

Awkward felt his face heat so much that he momentarily feared that he might have contracted Jevian Radiation Disease and that Lee’s friendly overture would be greeted by his face sliding off and draping itself over the congenial doctor’s collarbone. However, he quickly remembered that at his last check, his toes had still been attached, and besides, with Lee’s tongue dueling so skillfully with his own, such thoughts were swiftly vanquished!

However, he did retain enough of a grasp on the proprieties to draw back and gasp, “But, Lee… you know that I respect and admire you as a friend…”

“O, you sweet man,” Lee giggled. “I assure you, my heart remains entirely my own! I only seek to assure you that the companionship of good friends is a salve to loneliness, and a reward in itself!”

“Oh!” Awkward exclaimed. The twins exchanged speaking glances, but once again, the exquisite politeness of Awkward’s companions prevented their verbalization of disdain. “Well, in that case… By all means, let us all have sex!”

In a few short moments, as space-clothing was peeled off amid an atmosphere of languorous sighs and breezy caresses, Awkward found all his wildest fantasies coming through, or would have if he had ever thought to fantasize about Lee gently palpating his manly protuberance while the twins, John and Jon, licked Cheez off his chest and Annaz presented her pink feminine joy-button for his eager tongue while her four hands danced a delicate tango across the quivering flesh of raven-haired Zue. He hadn’t, because, sadly, Awkward didn’t have much of an imagination, and also he had only met three of the participants that evening, but nevertheless, his joy was immense!

“Ah!” he cried, writhing under the happy pile, like the bottommost puppy might squirm at the bottom of a puppy pile. “Lave me, my friends! Lave me!”

John and Jon happily obliged, but before his penile extension could reach fulfillment in Lee’s capable hands, Annaz shook above him, shrilling her climax in the dulcet tones of the Melluvians.

“So that’s where she’s from,” Awkward thought, but did not voice, his mouth being busy, and then abruptly Lee’s hands disappeared. Awkward would have cried out in slightly unmannerly but sincere protest, but Zue’s warm pleasure sheath pleasurably sheathed his mighty flesh-sword, and he thrust up into her like someone who really enjoys thrusting a sword into a sheath, only metaphorically, since repeated lusty sheathing might damage a real sword and sheath, and being adequately lubricated with space-lube and their own flowing fluids, Zue and Awkward were not damaged at all!

Many hours later, when the happy and tired group of friends had crowded into the space-shower to clean off the surprisingly resilient Cheez, Awkward, momentarily distracted by the sensation of five soapy bodies pressed against his own, was nevertheless able to make an announcement.

“Say,” he said, somewhat shyly. “I understand that next week is the FireJumping HoliFest of Sex and Berries. Perhaps… we could hold a party!”

And as his friends laughed and laughed, Awkward reflected on the day and realized that he had learned the TRUE meaning of the BiMoon SolstiFest of Light and Love!

The End

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